Psycho. #62
Hi Caspar,
I’ve just had a baby and, though it feels a long way off, I’m already daydreaming about future cinema trips and movie nights. I find myself reflecting on a desire to one day bond with this young person over film in a way that I never quite did with my own parents. I don’t want to pressure them into becoming a tiny cinephile (which feels like the surest way to put them off entirely) but I do want to gently cultivate a shared love of watching and talking about movies.
Do you have any advice for how to enable that? Any gateway films, rituals or approaches you’d recommend?
Hello there! Congratulations on the birth of your child, who, as you wisely note, will not always be a baby. I’m always amused by people talking about wanting to have a baby: you do know, don’t you, that you will only have a baby for a very short period of time, and thereafter you will have a child, or more significantly a person; and that very soon you won’t really be said to ‘have’ them, for they will be independent of you in many respects – indeed, that the whole process of their upbringing is, for them, about succeeding in detaching themselves from you in different ways, starting with their ability to feed themselves, then walk, wipe their own arse, dress themselves, etc etc etc. There used to be a series of animal rights ads, produced by The Dog’s Trust, aimed at getting people to respect their pets, whose famous slogan went, “A dog is for life, not just for Christmas.” My sense is that some parents tire of their kid once it starts to do things for itself, demand attention and love and engagement, and can’t be put down for a nap anymore. How inconvenient, to find yourself in possession of a human being!
But #notallparents, as your letter pleasingly reminds me. You have already begun to reflect on ways in which your child will grow and evolve; and I think your language (emphasising bonding and sharing, over imposing or pressuring) is good. You can see that your child will have tastes of their own, and – perhaps – that you will learn from them as well as impart some pleasures of your own. So, what can you expect and hope for, from this relationship, in terms of filmgoing? I think you’re right to be thinking about it already, because films and TV and ‘content’ are changing so rapidly, and you will need to have a loose plan, or at least a few rules with varying degrees of flexibility.
